NYC in the 80's

As a child who grew up less than an hour drive from New York City, I of course have many memories of the back and forth newteen my parents house on LI and Manhattan. And I'm not talking about when I was 11 and my mom would insist I dress like one of the Von Trapps to better help me "stand out" at auditions. Nor am I talking about the first time I ever used a chalked permit in 11th grade, to get into Brother Jimmy's of all places. I mean the impressionable years. The years where I could barely see out the car window and instead was treated to the endless stream of tall buildings, big bright signs, and the homeless people squeegeeing the family Volvo. What happened to you NYC? When did you become so ....polished? What happened to the griddy, stinky, whore filled NYC I grew up wanting to live in? You know, the NYC I saw featured in films like Desperately Seeking Susan, Muppet's Take Manhattan, Big Business, and Arthur?? Can I ever have you back? Or are you gone like that Statue of Liberty foam crown that flew off my head in Battery Park when I was five? Of course do I realize that the cleaning up of NYC means that at 18 when I moved here for good, I could safely ride subways without having the words "Honkey Lips" spray painted across my back. Not to mention the ease of being able to walk down 10th avenue in heels without being mistaken for a call-girl...in broad daylight. But like, can't we have just a teensy bit of the ol' dirt-filled magic? You know before we're all priced out of here and the only ones that can afford it are really Prince Akeem and the rest of the Joffer family? Oh right and that skank Paris Hilton.

I miss you. Sniff sniff.

Kate Walsh and Her Hubs Making Out at Whole Foods

I don't know much about Kate Walsh, but what I do know - I like. She's 40, just got married for the first time to some hot movie exec, got her own show over that anorexic shitwaif Ellen Pompeo, and looks cute in a beret.

Maybe it's the fact that I'm about to get my period (you're welcome), but I am HORN to the EE. So seeing these pictures of her and her beau getting it on in the pasta aisle, made me want to drop what I was doing (absolutely nothing) and run down to the Whole Foods on 7th Avenue, in the hopes that I too might be able to kiss and neck with a hot movie exec.

The verdict? No such luck as the chances of me finding one at this time of day and in that location is slim to none. Now, me finding a hot latino gay boy named Javier, who is in between classes at FIT is probably a stronger bet. Not that Javier and I will make out, but perhaps admire each others legwarmers or something.

Shia LeBeouf

So after taking, what - three(??) months off from posting, I've decided to start again. Turn over a new leaf if you shall. A leaf that has a naked Shia LeBeouf underneath. Yeah I know, if I made comments like this two years ago I'd be in prison while the FBI was scanning my laptop searching for kid p&rn.

I don't know why I feel at my age that it's acceptable to start dating younger men, but well momma likes em that way is all. Never mind the fact that I'm not dating Shia, no where near dating Shia, and that Shia actually looks older than I do.

Sweet fancy holy baby Jesus son of god - please give it to me Shia!

Even if you look like this:



Complete with The Smoking Gun written across your face.

That Stupid "Drop of Jupiter" Song

I once wrote, maybe last summer on my old blog that I liked this song. Then time passed, I never post, and I heard it once again while driving around this weekend.

And you know what fools, I like it again!

But only because he uses the words "the best soy latte that you ever had and me". As if he can compare himself to a soy latte. Oh musicians!

Gwen and Her Videos

If I were a professional singer, I'd like to think that my videos would be a cross between Toto's "Africa" and any of Gwen Stefani's. Meaning, I'd be dressed in designer clothing in a library, located in LA.





Change of Subject: Oh Seth Greene is on "The View". He's still doing stuff? That's nice. He's short. Like shorty short. I mean I'm short. But he's, he's teeny tiny. But cute. So I salute you sire.

Not Blogging

Yeah. I like to do it when I can.

And I just may later.

Clearly you're all waiting for it.

My Skin Saver

I will have you. You will make my chin look more smooth and less like a map of the Galapagos.

And you're only $200 dollars! So basically you'll be mine via Mastercard.

Reba/Kelly's Duet

I didn't watch the Country Music Awards, because quite frankly I feel like there is always a country music award show on TV. Like every week. And it's the same usual suspects that show and win: Brooks and Dunn, Tim and Faith, and a tribute to Johnny Cash by Garth Brooks and Trisha Yearwood. But yeah, I don't watch them much.

But I do rather like Reba McIntyre, especially when she's play a former white trash kid turned highfalutin callgirl in the video for "Fancy". And I love me some Kelly Clarkson, even though I've heard her newest single and sadly it ain't no "Since You've Been Gone". Meaning, I won't sing it three times in the course of one evening at a karaoke joint, while everyone present rolls their eyes and tells me to give up on the singing career dream. Including the Japanese-speaking staff.

And I digress.

This was pretty nice though. But seriously, doesn't KC sorta look like Rosie O'Donnell when she lost all the weight and did that movie with Dan Akroyd?

I'm just saying.

Blind People with a Sense Of Humor

I used to think that Stevie Wonder was a fraud. A fake. A real bunko. I figured his whole "I can't see you act" was nothing more of a sham. But apparently after seeing this video taken of him last night by those pesky TMZ photogs, I think the joke's no longer on us, but on him. I mean seriously the man can't see. But he tries. And for that, I hand him a gold star to paste upon his lapel. Or a purple one. Or a Hello Kitty sticker I got in Japan. I mean it's not like he'd know the difference!

Am I right people or am I right people?!

Sleep

And when I don't have you, I don't love much. I underestimate you when it's 3am and I'm drunk. I think I can forgo hours of you, in order to stay awake throughout the entire Hills marathon. But you're a tricky bitch who secretly knows that I need about 8 hours of you.

Yeah, I'm tired. Sleep one, Sara Jo nothing.

Allie, Brit Brit's Cousin

I don't remember you from Brit's early days. Are you like a blood cousin, or like mom's best friend's daughter kind of cousin? OR are you really her personal assistant to whom she refers to as "cousin" because the bitch is so whacked out these days she also thinks that Sean Preston is the traveling gnome from the Travelocity ads?

I mean at first glance, this looks like a scene from "Melanie and Mickie" a Lifetime movie about a 20 year-old who has to care for her younger mentally challenged sister after their parents die in a car crash.

Regardless Allie, you're doing your thing. You're keeping her pants on (what little she may wear), the wig and hat in place, and you look fairly normal. As if you shop in the Gap normal. Any chance you can pour the juice from a can of tuna all over her entire wardrobe then set afire, and maybe have to loan her some of your clothes while she fills out the insurance paper work?

No?

Yeah you're probably right, she does like the smell of tuna juice.

Well best of luck. You probably need it. I mean she's like fucking crazy right?

Lobstah Roll

You're no good for me. This is I know. But you're so good inside of me.

Also, I really like lobster rolls.

Stash Tea

I'm not normally a tea-drinker, unless I'm getting sick or trying to look fancy in front of some guy's parents. My poison usually tends to go more along the lines of Dunkin Donuts coffee, or vodka. Sometimes I like to mix the two and then try to drive. Sometimes I'm lying.

But this here brew of tea, preferably the jasmine, was exactly what I needed yesterday (Mother's Day) while going out to brunch with my mom. Right after I puked in a Bed Bath and Beyond plastic bag in her car, as a result of too much mixed liquor the night before at my sister's birthday party.

Still, you can't not call me classy. And can't not tell me not to use double negatives.


But you CAN tell me that you're going to make sure you have this in your home for me when I come to visit/stay for the night on your couch/live in your living room. And no, I'm not just talking to Brandy.

Barf.

Jeffrey Osborne/George Benson

Two of the greatest singers of American soul? Do I even know what that means?

Probably not.

But I like these two gents.

Favorite songs by each: "Baby Stay With Me Tonight" and "Turn Your Love Around", respectively.

Now see what I mean with these two videos I took right off of trusty You Tube.

Yo Koso!

Welcome dear friends to my new blog. In it I hope to express my like and sometimes love for many things. I'll try to update as much as possible.

Just remember, I like you. And YOU you I LOVE.