Gwen and Her Videos

If I were a professional singer, I'd like to think that my videos would be a cross between Toto's "Africa" and any of Gwen Stefani's. Meaning, I'd be dressed in designer clothing in a library, located in LA.





Change of Subject: Oh Seth Greene is on "The View". He's still doing stuff? That's nice. He's short. Like shorty short. I mean I'm short. But he's, he's teeny tiny. But cute. So I salute you sire.

Not Blogging

Yeah. I like to do it when I can.

And I just may later.

Clearly you're all waiting for it.

My Skin Saver

I will have you. You will make my chin look more smooth and less like a map of the Galapagos.

And you're only $200 dollars! So basically you'll be mine via Mastercard.

Reba/Kelly's Duet

I didn't watch the Country Music Awards, because quite frankly I feel like there is always a country music award show on TV. Like every week. And it's the same usual suspects that show and win: Brooks and Dunn, Tim and Faith, and a tribute to Johnny Cash by Garth Brooks and Trisha Yearwood. But yeah, I don't watch them much.

But I do rather like Reba McIntyre, especially when she's play a former white trash kid turned highfalutin callgirl in the video for "Fancy". And I love me some Kelly Clarkson, even though I've heard her newest single and sadly it ain't no "Since You've Been Gone". Meaning, I won't sing it three times in the course of one evening at a karaoke joint, while everyone present rolls their eyes and tells me to give up on the singing career dream. Including the Japanese-speaking staff.

And I digress.

This was pretty nice though. But seriously, doesn't KC sorta look like Rosie O'Donnell when she lost all the weight and did that movie with Dan Akroyd?

I'm just saying.

Blind People with a Sense Of Humor

I used to think that Stevie Wonder was a fraud. A fake. A real bunko. I figured his whole "I can't see you act" was nothing more of a sham. But apparently after seeing this video taken of him last night by those pesky TMZ photogs, I think the joke's no longer on us, but on him. I mean seriously the man can't see. But he tries. And for that, I hand him a gold star to paste upon his lapel. Or a purple one. Or a Hello Kitty sticker I got in Japan. I mean it's not like he'd know the difference!

Am I right people or am I right people?!

Sleep

And when I don't have you, I don't love much. I underestimate you when it's 3am and I'm drunk. I think I can forgo hours of you, in order to stay awake throughout the entire Hills marathon. But you're a tricky bitch who secretly knows that I need about 8 hours of you.

Yeah, I'm tired. Sleep one, Sara Jo nothing.

Allie, Brit Brit's Cousin

I don't remember you from Brit's early days. Are you like a blood cousin, or like mom's best friend's daughter kind of cousin? OR are you really her personal assistant to whom she refers to as "cousin" because the bitch is so whacked out these days she also thinks that Sean Preston is the traveling gnome from the Travelocity ads?

I mean at first glance, this looks like a scene from "Melanie and Mickie" a Lifetime movie about a 20 year-old who has to care for her younger mentally challenged sister after their parents die in a car crash.

Regardless Allie, you're doing your thing. You're keeping her pants on (what little she may wear), the wig and hat in place, and you look fairly normal. As if you shop in the Gap normal. Any chance you can pour the juice from a can of tuna all over her entire wardrobe then set afire, and maybe have to loan her some of your clothes while she fills out the insurance paper work?

No?

Yeah you're probably right, she does like the smell of tuna juice.

Well best of luck. You probably need it. I mean she's like fucking crazy right?